Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
