she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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