you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize