She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
