no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
