No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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