i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
