she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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