Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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