Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize