my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
