I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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