So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
