Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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