Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
