have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
