U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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