We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
