I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
