Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No...this little piggys going to the bar
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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