Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
