I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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