the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize