I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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