You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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