Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
