i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
