had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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