ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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