I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
