So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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