i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
