I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
