Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
