I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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