hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
