when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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