Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
