You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
