I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
