shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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