At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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