She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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