Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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