I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
