I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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