Kiss
Puke
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need water and some morals
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