Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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