I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
