Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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