The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
