thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
