so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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